I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
