Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
