How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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