it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
