Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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