Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
