watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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