I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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