Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
