Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
