Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
