My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't think brook has ever known best
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
