Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My life is pants optional.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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