He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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