Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
