I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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