I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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