dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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