HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
