a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
