He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
