Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
