he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
