that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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