We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
