My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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