I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
