it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
