Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I forget how to act sober
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
