I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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