i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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