I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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