Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
