I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
