How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
