WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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