im having a threesome with these popsicles
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
