She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
