I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
50% drunk capacity currently
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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