Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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