Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
