Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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