I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
