I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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