I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
