If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
