I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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