Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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