meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
