So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
