my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
