If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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