i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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