you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize