the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
