those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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