Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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