wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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