sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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