Your tits are I can't wait for
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
