Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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