so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
