i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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