i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
