Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
