I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
