Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
