my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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