real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
